


Kat

by one_and_only



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: But now original, F/M, I'm Sorry, Originally Luke, SO SAD, Sad, but i didn't want him without her, bye, i romanticized suicide and i hate myself for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 08:15:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1772056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_and_only/pseuds/one_and_only
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So the first draft was a Luke fic and that's also posted on this account but I edited it to be just a regular short story so the character isnt luke anymore</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kat

Jamie pulled into the driveway, relieved to be home, relieved to be off the roads. He was glad to stop driving; he couldn't think straight. He couldn't stop thinking of Kat; he missed her so much. He missed her more than anything. He buried his face in his hands; biting his lip to fight away tears. He'd passed her favorite bar on the way home; he remembered their first date. She'd taken him there after they'd gone to a movie. To this day he couldn't remember what the movie had been about, but the way she sat, leaning into him, tucked under his arm—this he remembered perfectly. He remembered how she'd looked up at him, biting her lip, then pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. He remembered how he'd cupped her chin in his hands and kissed her lips for the first time. He remembered exactly how it had felt; he remembered the taste of her mint chapstick and how soft her skin was. He remembered the way his stomach felt like it was exploding, but in the good way, as if he’d found a treasure. He knew, then and there, that Kat was The One. Jamie had never felt the way he felt around Kat, and he was quite certain he'd never feel quite the same about anyone ever again.

Jamie walked up the stairs and dashed past the bathroom, lying face first on the bed, crying into a pillow. He didn't go into that bathroom anymore; it was too hard. He hadn't cleared any of her stuff out. Last week he'd gone in the middle of the night by accident; he'd forgotten. When he turned on the light; he'd seen her makeup and her hairbrushes and her lotions. Now Jamie only used the downstairs bathroom; he'd had to call his brother over to move his toothbrush and everything downstairs, because he couldn’t even be in that room for a mere second. He still slept in their bed, though. He missed her scent; everyday it faded out of the pillows more and more. He sat up, wiping off his tears. This should be new to Jamie-- before Kat had gone away he rarely cried. But now? Now it was a common occurrence. 

He pulled on a sweatshirt; it was initially his but it had been her favorite thing to wear. It still smelled like her. "You know that's technically mine, love," he'd always told her. She'd fake pout. "But what about what's mine is yours?" she'd ask, feigning sadness. "Of course, Kat, I'd give the world to you if I could," he'd say, pulling her in for a slow kiss.

He ran downstairs to the kitchen. Kat had hated cooking; Jamie hadn't even known how to cook until he'd met her. Once they got serious, he learned to cook for her. He did all the cooking; she would sit on the counter swinging her legs, keeping him company. He would tease her; ask her when she was planning to help him. She would throw her head back, laughing, wrapping her legs around his waist. "Why do I need to cook when I have you to do it for me?" she would tease. Jamie fell to the ground, crumbling into a ball. He wrapped his hands around his knees, rocking back and forth, memories flooding his brain.

He willed himself to stand up a few minutes later and went into the living room. He looked at the furniture, remembering countless hookups on that very couch. The first time Jamie and Kat had slept together was on that couch; the first time he had told her he loved her was sitting on that floor. He remembered exactly, every little detail. It was all so silly. It was before she moved in with him, but she had been spending all her time with there anyhow. They had built a blanket fort; she'd been so excited about it. She had grabbed all the extra blankets from the end of their bed, throwing at them at Jamie so he could carry them downstairs. She ‘d jumped on his back and he’d carried bother her and the blankets downstairs. When they'd finished building they both crawled underneath the blankets, Jamie sitting up, Kat's head on his lap. He'd sat with one hand playing with her hair, the other holding their hands together. "Your hands are so little," he'd said fondly. "No, your hands are just gigantic," she'd corrected him. "No, it's cute. I like it," he'd assured her. "I like your hands too," Kat had said to him. "I like your hair," he had responded, twisting her chin-length brown hair in his fingers. "I like your lip ring," she’d told him. "Well I don't like you at all," he’d said suddenly. "Haha, you're hilarious," she’d teased sarcastically, still playing with his hands. "I'm serious!" He had defended. "I don't like your little hands, I don't like your soft hair, and I don't like your beautiful face. I don't like how selfless you are, I don't like how charming you are, I don't like how you bite your lip when you're nervous," he had continued. "What's your point?" Kat had interrupted him, sitting up. "Kat?" He asked shyly. "I don't like you one bit. But guess what?" She had looked up at him. "What?" she’d asked. "I love all of those things. I love you, Kat." He’d leaned forward and kissed her deeply. "I love you too," she’d whispered, and then smiled into the kiss. Jamie sat down on the couch, lying down. He had loved Kat so much; he still loved her more than anybody had ever loved anyone else, would ever love anyone else.

Jamie stood up and climbed back up the stairs, back into their bedroom. He went to the drawer on her side of the bed, which he now slept on. He opened it and pulled out a piece of jewelry, the only jewelry Kat had been bothered to wear regularly. The diamond engagement ring Jamie had given to her seven months ago, four months before she... before she went away. He'd proposed with a scavenger all around the house, giving her little gifts with her clues. It had led up to their room, filled with candles and flowers. It had been cheesy and it had been overdone, but it had been so perfectly Kat and Jamie. Jamie laid down on the bed, on her side of the bed, hands on his head. He wished, today and every day, that he could have saved her.

Jamie walked slowly over to the bathroom, preparing himself before flipping on the lights. He shut his eyes and breathed in deeply, then opened them and turned to the shower. He let a tear fall down his cheek as he remembered her body, lying there, limp and lifeless. He'd scooped her up and rushed her to the hospital, not believing it. Not believing her. He didn't,  _couldn't_ , believe the cold body on the floor, loose grasp around a small, empty pill bottle. Her heart had stopped beating by the time she'd gotten to the hospital; Jamie hadn't saved her in time. She hadn't even left a note. She couldn't even do the common courtesy of leaving her fiancée a small explanation as to why his soul mate was leaving him forever.  "Why?" he shouted, falling to his knees, hoping she'd hear wherever she was. "Why did you go, Kat? Why did you leave me? I could have helped you.  _I could have saved you,_ " Jamie sobbed. "Goddamn it. Goddamn  _you_ , Kat. I loved you. I love you still, three months later and I'm just as broken as when I found you. You ruined me. I can't fucking live like this. I can't fucking live without you."

Jamie went to the counter and snatched a pen, a paper, and his razor.  _This is for you, Kat,_  he wrote down messily, tears splotching the ink. He dragged the razor vertically over his wrist and shut his eyes. "I guess this is the end," he said quietly before he blacked out, hoping to see her soon.

***

Jamie woke up in a bright white room. "Kat?" he asked quietly. "No, Miles. And Chris and Dylan, and your mother and your father and a million other people who care about you," he heard a voice, presumably his oldest brother Miles’s. Jamie looked up. "What? Where am I? Where's Kat?"

"You're in the hospital," his mother said quietly. "Jamie, baby, you tried to  _kill yourself_  last night. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking of her. I miss her, Mom, more than you know. I can't do this, I can't be without her for another second."

"Well dammit, Jamie, we'd miss you!" Chris shouted. "You loved her, and she's gone, and we feel for you. We really do. We all loved Kat too, maybe differently, maybe not as much. But do you know how fucking hard it is to find your brother on his bathroom floor, blood pooled at his side, cold and lifeless, a suicide note in his hand? I thought you were dead!"

"Yeah, Chris. Yeah I do!" Jamie shouted. "That's how I found Kat, if you've forgotten. I found Kat like that! I found my fiancée, my best friend, my fucking soulmate cold, lifeless, _dead_ on the bathroom floor. The difference between you and me is that Kat didn’t leave me a note, an explanation, nothing! And she actually died. She’s just gone. She’s _gone_ , Chris. So don't tell me I don't fucking understand."

Chris softened. "Look, man, I'm sorry, really. I'm so sorry, Jamie, I was being insensitive. We just don’t want to loose you, too,” he apologized. "You have each other," Jamie said quietly to all of them, after a silence. "You'll have each other, you won't need me. You don't. All I want is to wake up with her beside me tomorrow, like all of this is just some... some prank that the universe is playing on me, a twisted dream. If that happened, I'd hold her closer than I ever did, and I wouldn't have left her alone. I would've gotten her help, and I would never have let her die alone. I need her. I'm not okay.  _I'm not okay._ " Jamie broke down, sobbing heavily. "I'm not fine at all."

"Luke, whatever it was, it wasn't your fault," Dylan said, trying to comfort him. "You couldn't have known. None of us did."

"None of you were her boyfriend, none of you planned on forever with her. None of you promised to always protect her."  
"You tried your best, Jamie. You did all you could."

"It clearly wasn't enough! I didn't protect her from _herself_ , okay? I tried my best and it didn't work. I wasn't enough." He let out another loud sob. 

***

When Jamie got sent home three days later, although his family insisted on staying with him, he stayed locked in his room, staring at the engagement ring. Some of her wedding catalogues still got sent to that address; those were the worst days. There would be no wedding. There was never going to be a wedding, because Kat was never coming back. Jamie was never going to kiss those beautiful lips again. Jamie would never bring a smile to that face again. Kat would never be Jamie’s wife, and he would never be her husband. Kat would never laugh at one of his jokes again; Kat would never make him laugh again. She would never pull at his lip ring while they made out. She would never wrap her legs around his waist again; she would never steal his shirts again or kiss his neck or lovingly mock him ever again.

Two weeks later, Jamie Cooper crashed his car into a brick wall. He was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. The newspapers, his casual acquaintances, the general public thought he had fallen asleep at the wheel, or been driving drunk. They were upset that he had lost his life so young. But those close to him, they knew the truth.

Yeah, perhaps Jamie had been driving drunk. There was a chance he was overtired. But deep down, they knew he'd been sober enough, awake enough, to know that he didn't want to be alive anymore. Jamie had known what he was doing when he ended his own life. He was trying to be with her again. As all of his closest friends and family mourned Jamie just three months after losing Kat, they realized that they'd lost Jamie the second she died. He'd died in a car "accident," but Kat had killed him when she left.

 

They hoped he was with her now.

 

They hoped that somewhere, up in heaven, Jamie was waking up with Kat in his arms and everything else he'd talked about.

 

They hoped he would meet her in whatever afterlife he believed he would have with her.

 

They hoped Jamie and Kat would be forever.

 


End file.
